i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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