thus making me awesome and them whores
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
