He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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