I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
