God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
