Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
