I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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