how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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