when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
