Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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