What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize