she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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