The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
