i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
