I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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