I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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