I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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