He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
