i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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