I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
