sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina is officially offended.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
