Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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