I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize