first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
