You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
