He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
