i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
