fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
