just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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