just survived the first fart of the relationship.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
