So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
