Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
