That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
