So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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