i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
