Small penises have feelings too.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
