if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
