I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
