He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
