She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even my vagina gasped.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
