Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My liver just had a heart attack.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
