uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
