i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
