Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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