Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's the barista slut.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
