Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
