I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
