The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
