We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
third nipple confirmed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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