the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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