I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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