he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
