Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
