I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
