ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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