he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
