the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
