What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Randomize
