mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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