I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
