How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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