she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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