Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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