I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
it's like heaven, but drunker
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
