whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
