I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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