he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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