I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize