he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
