carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
