Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
