yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
