I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
