Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
