she looked like the bat from fern gully.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
